How often have you heard that “I almost got you this…” or “I was going to plan this date for you but….”
It’s one thing if it’s not the usual for him and something legitimately did get in the way of his execution. But if you start seeing a pattern.
Do not believe that he is being sweet, he is showing you that you are not important enough for him to spring into action. He has shown his cards. So read it for what it is.
He Tells You What He Would’ve Done
Often you will hear from him about the kind of man he thought about being for you.
But then didn’t.
He will say that he wanted to get you a gift, he will say that he wanted to take you somewhere, he will say that he wanted to do something nice for you. And just by saying it aloud, knowing that he hasn’t done it, he is looking for affirmation from you that almost doing it was enough.
Now it’s up to you if you want to reward constant laziness or no follow-thru. But just think, how long are you going to float this relationship on “he almost did it, so he must love” thoughts? How long until you resent his inaction? How long until you are depleted of everything you have because of his ‘almost’s?
Feminine Energy Damage: You are damaging your feminine energy when you are constantly being let down and it makes you lean more into your masculine “let me fix you baby bird” energy. If you accept behavior that is beneath it will eventually train your mind that you don’t deserve it and just the mere act of thinking about it should be enough.
This will most definitely damage your feminine confidence and make you believe you are not worthy for appreciation and recognition in other parts of your life –work, friendship, future relationships…
What to do next: So you have to let him know the following. “It would mean more to me if you had follow-through with your words, because your constant inaction and “almost”s is not the kind of man I would want my future children to be raised by.”
OR
“Please don’t tell me about how you would’ve done something nice for me. It’s pointless to mention because you always have a reason why you didn’t follow thru. I deserve more than that. I deserve a man who values me enough to spring into action as opposed to get by with lazy “almost” behavior.
He Says He Lost Track of Time
There will be men who will remember in a passing thought at which point they will text you, “Oh hey I totally lost track of time, I’ve just been so busy. What are you upto tonight?
You believe it to be mixed signals. You consider that he doesn’t owe you his time. You’re not his girlfriend, right? So just play it cool. Act like you were busy too. WRONG.
He was busy perhaps with whatever he has going on currently. However, for him to message you in this manner means two things:
- He does not like you in a romantic way but considers your companionship to be fun.
- He does not like you in a romantic way but certainly finds you attractive and has some needs he would like met.
Once again it’s your decision. How much do you respect yourself and your time? And how real are you with yourself?
What to do next: If you like him in a romantic way or would like to consider it, let it be known that you will not compromise your feelings since he is not invested at all.
Remind him there are other men out there, who would love to take you on a proper date and appreciate you. And you are not going to waste any time with a man who considers you an afterthought.
He Says He’s Just Not That Good At It
And then there are men who just say that they are not competent at planning a date. They rather you just do it all.
This is once again laziness, and the feelings for you are meek at best. A man who loves a woman truly from his heart, is thinking of ways to make her swoon, to make her smile, to put her mind at ease and to make her feel joy & comfort. Not thinking of ways to weasel out of it!
He is providing her care while she is in PMS’ing, makes her dinner especially on days she’s had a long day, helps her pick out clothes for an event. He shows he cares for her and wants to ease her day. And he also wants to create intimate moments like picking out a perfume for her to show he enjoys spending time wither her.
When he says, either you can do one of two things.
- You tell him, it would mean more to me if you could plan it this time. Keep it simple do not add any resentment, and let him show you who he is.
OR
- You leave. Simple as that and state, “if you cannot be bothered to make plans for us, then you must not be that sincere about me. Take care darling.” Straightforward and carefree. With no hard feelings.
He Claims He’s Too Tired to Try
Sometimes life gets us all tired. And that is very understandable because of the constant wheel we are running.
However, that excuse can only be used so many times until one is simply hiding behind it.
One can plan a head and reserve an evening or tickets to a museum ahead of time. And ensure they are well rested when the day comes, so they spend a lovely day with the remarkable individual they truly care for (You!)
What to do next: Consider this, time is the most important unit of measure someone can give you. And how much effort goes into making that time count, is what separates the self-absorbed boys from the emotionally in-tune men.
Let him know that you understand he is tired, but he can also create moments together even if they are simple. It is the intention and follow thru of the gesture more than the grandeur of the gesture itself. Even if he gets you your favorite coffee and takes you to a nursery he looked up nearby because you love plants. That is effort.
He Blames You For Being Needy
Right off the bat, you need to leave.
Any man that does not even care to LISTEN to your needs and communicate what works best for your love languages–is NOT invested in you. I REPEAT, YOU ARE JUST A PLACEHOLDER!
What to do next: When a low effort man calls a woman needy, he is inadvertently saying these things:
I don’t want to put in effort into you so I’m going to blame you for making me feel inadequate.
You may be attractive but I want an easy love. My last girlfriend had low self-esteem and never argued. Why can’t you be like her? Also my mother never complains and always picks up after me.
What you’re asking for requires me to be more considerate and intentional, but I came here for a fast and spontaneous love, NOT an ever lasting slow-love I have to take care of! That’s too much work. I didn’t sign up to be a contributing partner like that.
STOP acting like SMOLL BEAN, I AM SMOLL BEAN (he prefers to be the one catered to). As long as you keep him happy, he sees nothing wrong with the relationship. You’re here to serve me! If you don’t I’ll just replace you.
How much do you value yourself?
So stop stressing him, and read some ways you can lower that cortisol because we don’t need him messing up your aura. Read below for some ways to step into your soft intentional era so you can enjoy your own company when boys are trying to bring your energy down.
As a mature intelligent woman, you know the value of your time and energy. Do not waste it on someone who does not match your effort. You have think about why you are letting yourself accept this behavior? Do you think you cannot do any better than him? Do you think this is true love?
Because let me tell you Sis, bring that standard up and invest in friendships and yourself. Not in shallow self absorbed weak men. They’ll just make you ugly and you have to work on your glow-up a lot longer in the aftermath.
What’s the biggest red flag you’ve spotted in a past relationship? Share your story in the comments—you might help someone else!”
