Men are lost without having a sense of duty and mission.
If they have no responsibility, they have no incentive to make themselves stronger and greater in order to carry that proverbial load. Having a greater calling that fulfills their innate want for duty and pride in one’s duty, makes them Men.
Not having a “load” to carry and push through for day in and day out, will make them lost boys; much like the ones in Peter Pan.
Here they never grow up and fill up the time with shenanigans and playing pretend; tethered to nothing and no one.
And sometimes that play can turn into drugs, alcohol, sexual deviance and other addictive self-destructive behaviors.
Deep down inside they are in need of something or someone to provide them a sense of purpose & home.
Confusion on Healthy Masculinity
There is an intrinsic feeling men have that there is a lack in them that needs to be redressed. And that has been weaponized.
Young boys and men come into the Western culture listening to how oppressive and atrocious the patriarchal society is and the need to dismantle it. And so the only solution presented to the conscientious man is to castrate their masculine spirit.
Women who have had bad experiences with men tend to project this notion that all power coming from a man is not be trusted.
However, there is a difference between power lust and ambition that serves competence.
And so young men are being told they lack the empathy, they lack the awareness, they lack humility, they lack, they lack, they lack. And they have to do better to leave space for women to thrive.
But there is no mention of how they can do better for themselves as healthy males balanced in their masculine spirit. They can learn to find meaningful struggles, strive to better themselves or reinvent themselves in that struggle and then attain respect and continued purpose.
And be reassured that they are enough, and they have earned a meaningful respected place in society.
It is very important for them to thrive as the new era of conscientious men who can be strong in their purpose and themselves without being roped into a power struggle by women.
Young Men With No Long-term Purpose or Vision
Young men have goals that are very fragmented. They do not know who they are, where to turn, what to become and what to pursue. And so they become frozen in depression and anxiety for not pushing the needle forward.
They look to fleeting pleasures to nurse the wound of perceived failure. And so they lack real masculine confidence because they are chasing boyish pleasures
If men are lost in their overall purpose in life, they can take steps locally.
For instance washing a cup and putting it back on the shelf. Encourage them to take steps towards valuable micro goals. Small things are not small.
It’s not trivial to put your immediate surroundings in order. It’s the necessary stepping stone to putting things in order on a broader scale.
If men keep moving head, they will get out of that paralyzed or retreat mode. Just by moving one increment forward. Men will learn to get braver
Some Men Lack Social Skill
Sometimes young men are too focused on their internal malfunctional fumbles. Some cope with over-correcting by being the loudest and most extroverted, while others try to lower their gaze to avoid judgement.
Both of these types of men are missing the social cues of reading people.
Thus making them disjointed in their environment and losing their healthy masculine confidence.
If you see this behavior, ask that man to not focus on himself and all of the misguided thoughts of himself, but instead focus on just one singular person. If they can hold a conversation, they can accomplish this by simply focusing on that person with pure genuine intention.
Asking them about their day, what interests them today, and soon his own natural fears will start to subside if that energy is reciprocated.
After all, we all just want to be seen and heard.
Some Lack A Welcoming Brotherhood
Often men struggling with defining their masculinity have no trusted community or brotherhood of like-minded elevated individuals. This contributes to their loss of masculine confidence because they don’t have a strong-knit community to show them what that looks like.
They do not have the mentorship of their elders and they do not have the support of good brother-like men. They must endure the hardships of life on their own and have no real community to hold them up when they misstep and lose their way.
People are tribe-oriented and men even more so. If men do not have fellow exemplary brethren to learn from or to eventually lead, then they stay locked in this lost boy mentality.
Some forge their own identity and build themselves up from their own ashes. Others will continue to search for someone to care or lift them up.
Sometimes a very strong emotionally secure woman can do this. She can be his loadstone as she helps him to no longer doubt himself, gives him encouragement to reconstruct himself and a find a renewed sense of purpose and reason to live.
Some Lack Accountability from Women
Women Accepting Sub-par Behavior
And then there are some men who never truly understand accountability and responsibility because overtly nurturing women want to cure them of all ailments. They don’t allow the man to struggle (find a job on his own), figure out his finances (stop paying his bills) and come up with solutions on their own.
A man who does not know healthy masculinity may want the easier route because of this egalitarian society we live in. They may say “why can’t she just handle all of our finances, what’s mine is hers right?”
That may be fine for a short momentary time but men need purpose to be truly in tune with their healthy masculinity. If he never gets up on his own two feet, commits to the consistency of the hard work and cultivates his grit, skills and strategy–then what kind of man would he be? If he can’t solve his own problems and show initiative and dedication… would he be the man you trust your life with? Would he be the man your sons and daughters can learn from? Would he be the man who you can look up to for guidance?
No. He is not that man. He is simply a lost boy stuck in Neverland.
