We’re going to get straight to the point. There is a guy, and he is confusing the hell out of you. You want to reach out but you need to get your emotions and thoughts in order. So let’s deep dive into the steps we need to take before you confront him.
Because as a woman who is trying to step into your dark feminine energy, the last thing you want is a confused guy to throw a wrench into resilient woman that are trying to solidify.
1. Delineate all reasons you care that he is ignoring you.
Write or record yourself and then read/play it back.
If you can understand the crux of why you care, that will help you parse out your emotions better (perhaps even make them less intrusive and obsessive).
Your goal here is to understand the following:
-Do you truly have a connection with him?
-Is he showing all the signs of a great partner (not just potential)?
-Are you upset he has not taken an interest in you and your ego is still recovering?
If it’s your ego, then you already know steps 2,4 are important for you whereas step 5 (contacting him for answers) should be completely struck out. Do not embarrass yourself just for pure validation. It has to be genuine feelings for you to contact him as part of step 5.
2. Make a quick list of all the great things about you that make you a great person AND partner.
Make a list of all the wonderful things about your value as a loving potential partner and who you are as a person.
Would you want to date you?
If you truly believe you are or at least striving to be a kind hearted wonderfully enriching person to be around then jot that down and keep that always as a reminder.
Perhaps on your vision board if you have one. If not here’s an article showing you how I made my DIY one.
The dark feminine knows her worth and does not even give these men a second thought. So practice this list-making to encourage the dark feminine confidence to flow into you as read and reflect on your own list.
3. Treat and care for yourself to raise confidence and ego boost. Here’s a quick shortlist!
Here’s some example of places to help you heal and fill your cup and remember what a wonderful woman you are who deserves all the beauty and love in the world.
The goal here is to enrich yourself with words, activities, social gatherings and hobbies that allow you to just have FUN! Remember just looking for ways to have fun as a girl. Well here is a my go-to list.
Places to go:
- Go to a Bookstore for the afternoon, get a good cup of coffee, and peruse some books that interest you. For me specifically I got a book regarding how to have a technical mindset so I can be better with starting my own business one day in this digital world.
- Try out a new fitness or dance class (usually the first time is free). Here is an article I wrote on all the movements you can do to increase your feminine energy.
- Check out a local comedy show. I always check either Facebook Events or Eventbrite to see what’s happening in the area that evening.
- Take up a new active/social hobby! I started roller skating and I fell in love with it! I found a nearby roller skating rink and took Saturday morning classes. And then I would try out my skills at the evening roll/disco type free skate sessions. It was a whole community and it’s a perfect way to make new friends!
- Kinesthetic work that calms you down and keeps you engaged. I personally enjoy gardening, tending to my seedlings and sewing simple garments since I’m still a novice. I picked up my sewing machine at a thrift shop along with some clothes I can alter and hem to my liking.
Remember you’re the most vulnerable to making bad decisions when your self esteem is low and you feel disengaged from the natural & social world.
4. Call up your friends and talk about the depth of your desire for Male validation.
Don’t talk about him too much, instead if you must, talk more about your need for his attention.
Call or meet up with your friends over coffee or lunch (try to avoid alcohol so you don’t have the obsessive thoughts take over).
Have deep and inspirational talks where you don’t make that man the center of your conversation but more so the idea of why you think this person is important, or why for any matter you are actively trying so hard to find that person.
Having an outside perspective helps you muster your own self-esteem, and also helps you recognize patterns with in yourself.
Your friend should be the first to tell you if you always fall for the same avoidant type.
5. Some men will avoid their feelings and conflict at all costs, if you really want answers, just contact him & get it over with.
Call him but calmly ask him “Do you enjoy spending time with me in a romantic way?
IF you really believe that there is a connection there and a lot of mixed signals; then be bold and brazen! Pick up the phone and just call!
I would recommend calling over texting because a lot of context of the message can get lost in translation.
After speaking to my own husband, he mentioned that men can have inadequate communication skills because they rather stay busy with something else than to face an emotional hardship/conflict head on.
A man’s desire for conflict is pretty low, so minimizing the chance of conflict leads to ignoring the woman.
So by calling him in a prepared* and non-aggressive way, you are figuring out if he is deliberately trying to stay away because he is genuinely not interested in you. OR if he just is nervous about the aspect of being overwhelmed by a potential new relationship.
Why is He avoiding Me though?
My husband has told me that men also get anxious when met with the prospect of a woman who is ready to jump in the water, while he’s just putting his toes in. This usually has to do with previous betrayal.
Sometimes they’re nervous that they might lose their freedom or their autonomy with you, by judging your intensity to be with him. They don’t want to lose their identity in a relationship.
So often times they’ll choose conflict/uncomfortable conversation avoidance because their communication skills are underdeveloped and they don’t know how to deal with serious or complicated emotion of any sort.
*Being prepared when you two talk: Think about why you like him and ask him “do you enjoy spending time with me in romantic ways and can you see yourself with me?” And say all of this with a very calm and collected way. No one HAS to be with you or owes you an explanation. You’re simply looking for a clear mature answer. And if they cannot provide it, do not try to be his friend.
Leave him alone because men need a lot more time to process their emotions on their OWN to really understand what they want. Usually they have never really spoken about the complexities of their feelings to anyone like us women do.
So give him the space and go back to Tips 1-4 and continue to enrich your main character life, ladies!
Remember this cat meme, love your weird unique beautiful self! Cat energy is very close to Dark Feminine Energy 😛
