There seems to be confusion as to what constitutes a high-value man. There is a lot of speculation on it and varying opinions on it because everyone has such diverse values embedded in them. Let’s go over some values a man of real power and love has.
Many men think that as long as they provide this comfortable life to the woman, then they are allowed to do as they please. They see it as a transactional power play. “If I provide these materialistic things for you, then I grant myself the freedom to do whatever I please regardless of how it makes you feel”.
That’s a misguided and superficial way of looking at your role as men/partners.
Recognizing the High Value Man vs Misguided Man
The Man of High-Value
A relationship is a partnership vested in respect and love. You don’t play this tug of power-war.
The high value man recognizes this and understands that it is a trusted dynamic for both individuals to feel loved and safe in.
You BOTH decide how you will show that respect and love to each other. You BOTH openly discuss what the other one needs to be satisfied (free of judgement), and how to be holistic partners that grow together.
You BOTH discuss your expectations and do partner check-ins to see if you’re being reasonable and considerate of each other. The high value man recognizes we’re all human beings with our own desires, fears, and impactful experiences that have molded us. He is not so self-absorbed that he only sees himself and his needs. He understands the importance of listening and showing empathy in order to move forward together in relationships.
A high-value man knows the value in a loving loyal partner. He creates the safe environment for her to step out of her shell and love freely.
The Misguided Man
Misguided men have a tendency to over-simplify the concept of a relationship.
They will equate it to a transaction, trying to negotiate favorable terms for themselves. They have a self-centered perspective and this is usually derived from deep rooted insecurities of being abandoned or betrayed. Or an unshakeable ego that has been fortified over time as a way to protect their psyche.
So they make sense of relationships by creating a one-dimensional persona of what a man should be in order to free themselves of personal growth and/or meet their partner in the middle. Their personify their selfish arrogance as confidence in a man.
This shows lack of depth and courage. This is not a high-value man.
Putting it in Practice: Where Does HE Stand?
You want to understand how deeply the man you are seeing thinks. His type of critical thinking well help you understand their empathy, conflict resolution style, and future planning.
You can figure out the caliber of a man by knowing his values. Ask him deeply engaging questions in a very natural way without it seeming like an interview.
Your time is very valuable and you are not looking to waste it on someone who is uncertain of who they are, unwilling to respectfully communicate their emotions, or just misguided in their understanding of relationship dynamics as mentioned above.
Examples of Natural Questions to Ask to Discover His Core Values
These questions get at the heart of what they value in life, what they see as a priority and what their social stance is on the current atmosphere of relationships.
Try to ask these questions in a relaxed setting. Suggest perhaps an inviting coffee shop, a park (picnic or get coffee and walk together) or relaxing wine bar.
**Go to a place that doesn’t have huge tables in between you. Make sure the tables are quaint and you don’t have an obstacle between you two. The point being the less distance there is between the two of you, the more the space will feel personable & comfortable and less formal/interview like.
- So what do you consider is the blueprint of a life well-lived?
- What are you building towards? If it’s a business/career…then what is all meant for? Is the end goal more money to travel? More finances to live freely without having a boss? More stability for a future family perhaps?
- What does a “rich” life mean to you?
- What do you think is important in any healthy relationship?
- What are some turn-offs when it comes to women? I can go first…I cannot stand impulsive rude behavior that is unwarranted.
- Why do you think relationships/marriages don’t last these days? (share your reason first if you want to)
- How do you feel about our current educational system? Do you think it really gives us a leg up in society? As in helping us be successful?
- Do you consider yourself a life-long learner? I like to continuously learn about “enter what you love to read about/watch videos on“, what about you?
These are a good starting point to really feel out the guy. You can get a feel of who he is without directly asking “do you want kids?” or “is your job more important to you than your spouse/family”. People are more apt to answer questions when they are subtle and the delivery is non-judgmental. You want to invoke open dialogue.
Share some good questions in the comments below that you ask when trying to understand someone new in your life!
