Are your thoughts based in truth or biased assumptions?
Sometimes thoughts can formulate so quickly than we’re not even sure where it’s transpiring from.
Typically a wounded feminine will have her thoughts pull the innermost darkest corners of her being, such as the following:
- Deep Seated Insecurities
- Skewed Attachment Style
- Past Hurtful Relationship Experiences
- Childhood Voids & Jarring Experiences
What do Trauma-Based Thoughts Look Like?
Quick whirling thoughts that draw their energy from the darker sides of you that are very vulnerable.
It can quickly manifest into these false truths. Which in turn evoke these strong emotions. To which you may believe is a reality you must now face and react to.
However, the once wounded feminine may not realize that is her own biased interpretation of the situation. These may not be hard truths. It’s these quick chaotic connections that are made out of fear of the past repeating.
So how does she know if her emotions are stemming from a fair assessment?
Sit with Those Thoughts and Give it Space
One method in knowing is to sit with your thoughts.
Let the initial emotion have its place. Feel that emotion in solitude. Write about it, do an audio recording of yourself talking it out. Whatever it takes to let that emotion process out.
Once processed and no longer bubbling inside with vitriol and fear-ask yourself these questions:
- Why does this upset me? Does it take me back to a place I don’t want to be?
- Does this situation garner this response? Or is my response disproportionate to the event?
Get to the root of your hurt. And now let the calm thoughts come in.
Peel Away the Emotions from The Thoughts
Removing the hurt feelings from the thoughts, allows you to see clearly as to how unjust the triggering event truly was. Without basing it on previous experiences. You can judge it for that person and that incident alone.
For instance, here’s an example:
Triggering Event
Jane’s husband, half asleep, pushed her hand away while she was trying to caress him in his sleep. She made a joke, “someone’s irritable.” Husband responded in an annoyed half-asleep manner, “Ugh, sure that’s what it is”.
Response Trajectory
Jane at first lets it go. Thinking he’s just irritable because of not enough sleep. But this is not the first time a man in her life has rejected her efforts for affection.
It eats away at her. And she feels unappreciated and doesn’t think that behavior is acceptable. She’s goes to a dark place where other incidents in the past would make her feel less than.
Collision
Jane waits until her husband is up, she starts crying while speaking that she will not be treated this way. And she is very upset with him.
Her husband thinks Jane is overreacting and doesn’t even remember this interaction. He has been tired, groggy, and has been feeling off kilter.
He got on the defense saying it’s not fair to him. He believes it to be unjust to be judged off an interaction he was not entirely awake for!
Response
The desire to unleash your rage is quite real and pulses through your mind.
But succumbing to that rage you perceive to be justified, will only worsen the situation. You will say things you cannot take back and you will try to make your case in a very heightened aggressive way.
It is fine to show how discontent you are and stand up for yourself but don’t do so in the heat of the moment.
Course Correcting for Intuition
Step Away from the situation.
Ask for some time alone so you can gather your thoughts.
You NEED this time to sift through what’s real and what are volatile emotions swirling back from a troubled past.
Allow yourself to be calm. It’s okay to sleep in different rooms or walk away from that individual if you just need to be alone. Do not force closeness if you believe you will get triggered even further. You can enforce boundaries in a respectful way:
“I need this time for myself to gain control/clarity of the situation in my mind and I will speak to you when I can think with more calmness.”
It is important to immediately contain the situation and wait until you can be relaxed enough to dissect it and then address.
Ask yourself the following questions to determine if it’s a trauma response or if the strong emotion is justified.
- Was there intent? And if so, what was it?
- Is there a pattern? If so, what is the pattern and has this person been trying to work on breaking it?
- Do you know why this person reacted the way they did? Were they evoking upon some of their own trauma?
- Is this event a reflection of the entire reality at hand? (for eg, is this an indication of his inner feelings or just a off-hand response based off the current circumstance).
- Was there a desire for reconciliation?
If you can review those above questions in your mind, it will make it easier to understand how much of your emotional response was from your own perception (previous experiences) and how much was from your true intuition stemming from that event.
