Reclaiming your Feminine Power from Non-Committal Men
There are many ways one can end up in a situationship. Usually, it’s from dating someone and you two share different visions for the next step yet you still want to be in each other’s lives.
This article will address the type of dating situation where one person may be ready and the other just not yet. It will go over how to regain control of your life and get out of this false reality
However, when you like their company, you decide that instead of losing the entire person from your life (who may bring you friendship and joy), you’ll compromise your needs to just have them around.
You will try a platonic friendship but if the attraction is strong then you fall into the dreaded situationship. This is detrimental to your ego, self esteem and diminishes your feminine power.
You two are both stuck in this limbo state where you are not truly committed but you mimic nearly everything a relationship entails.
The Emotional Toll
There is most definitely a real emotional consequence with situationships.
One starts to question their self worth, if there’s something that they could be doing better, compare/contrast themselves to the individual’s exes.
The list can goes on to answer the question, “why not me?”
Giving the individual who is noncommittal continuous guilt, however is not going to help.
He will try to shut you out more emotionally because they feel to much pressure (pressure is not an idea environment for processing deep rooted emotions). Consequently, you’ll just grow more resentful and ruin whatever semblance of friendship you did have.
People need clear firm boundaries and a sense of urgency to act. They need the physical AND emotional absence of that person to realize their true need/desires.
How to Take Action on Reclaiming your Feminine Energy and Power
1. Why are you even allowing this?
First you need to take time apart to do some serious soul searching. Figure out why you’re allowing this behavior. Do you want to lead a life with more intention?
Why do you think you have to chase this man? Why do you think you have to convince him you’re worth loving? Do you think he’s better than you?
A woman who is secure and confident in herself never runs after a man compromising her feminine power in the world. If you feel like yours is already compromised, you have to ask yourself why did you allow it and why is there desperation when you should nurture yourself as a unique treasure of a woman.
Is convenience and instant gratification worth the deep seated resentment and hurt you’re causing yourself over the long-term?
Book Suggestion: I would suggest the book the Mountain is You. This book really talks about how we get in our way, how we may self-sabotage our own path to happiness. It is definitely a must read if you want to understand yourself more and how you get into precarious situations to begin with.
2. Invest in and nurture your hobbies, goals and self care.
Reflect if your life is lackluster without this individual. You could be trying to fill a void with this person because you have no foundation of happiness within yourself.
Hobbies: Have you been giving it any time?
You may not be cultivating a life that gets you excited for the future.
Playful intriguing hobbies keep us entertained and skillful.
Can you take a cooking class to try different styles of food?
Perhaps go to a skating rink and pick up some neat tricks at your local skate spot. They usually have classes for beginners.
Or you can start reading and picking up a craft or a skill. Any hobby that allows you to use your creative side to create!
For instance, perhaps some woodworking, learning how to make small planter boxes, painting or doing small arts & crafts projects. You can also just start some Barre classes on Youtube, my favorite instructor is Move with Nicole.
Start with something small, manageable and go bigger if you realize you enjoy it. Think about the life you want to live, are you actively creating it?
Check out this article here for ideas of fun activities for re-activating that confident feminine energy.
Goal Planning: Can you monetize some of these hobbies or start a business plan for something that truly brings you joy?
Is there a small business idea you always thought about in the back of your mind?
Do your research, create a business plan, converse with the Small Business Association and get it going! Start small with a local community, pivot and scale accordingly with market demand.
There’s a lot you can do with your time than spend fretting over this maybe/maybe not relationship. Where else can your time investment take you?
For instance, look into creating digital products if you are good at organizational spreadsheets. Or think about how you can generate some side income, maybe you can rent out a room on Airbnb?
You can get into the gig economy if you don’t want too much startup costs. All of these smaller scale hustles can fund your bigger passion project. There’s a lot of skills you can easily deep dive into.
Refuel that drive, if you think you have been pouring too much mental energy into this situationship.
Self Care: When is the last time you prioritized your self care and didn’t cancel on yourself?
Make sure you’re still doing your routine for things that fill your cup. For me it’s going to a Zumba or spin class on Saturday morning where I can just be in a group setting and jam it out on the bike or with my hips!
I also cherish my Feminine Fridays where I take extra deep care of myself. This entails face mask, hair conditioning and some good takeout while I relax after a long shower and full body moisturizing.
4. Talk to your closest friend (non-judgmental of course)
Have you been cultivating your platonic friendships?
For friendships, think of the status of your investment. Are you feeding, nurturing your friendships? Have you laughed with your friend lately? Call them up and ask about how they’re doing. Or share with them the latest hobby or craft you’re getting into.
Get some feedback and see if there is an opportunity for some collaboration. Even if they’re long distance, you can garden while having them on a video call.
All of these nurturing habits and activities are building your foundation. So once you do the third step, you have someplace to fall back on. A beautiful life you’re nurturing.
5. Tell the person, you are choosing to lead a life with intention.
There is no need for any hateful words here when you finally tell your situationship partner that you are through with this. Here is a sample dialogue:
“ I cannot continue this anymore. The way I am trying to live my life, with more meaning, purpose and intention–there’s simply no room for half measures. Regardless of how much I care for you and would love to have you in my life. This has to come to an end. Either we take each other seriously and build a beautiful relationship or we are out of each other’s lives. I have realized I have too much value and too much to offer, to continue to compromise my worth and my time. Take care.”
It is important to make note of the finality of it all. There will be no room for friendship.
Make it final and serious.
Reminder: Friendship cannot be bred from unrequited love.
And when you say this. Say this with a strong and resolute voice.
Do not waver, do not negotiate anything. If your emotions are not strong enough for this, go back to step 1 and figure out why you feel you need this person.
Are you willing to compromise your mental health and wound your feminine energy for this individual?
But if you can muster up the confidence and end the situationship–then you my friend have shown yourself to be strong and desirable.
Let me explain.
People do not realize the value of something that is given freely. Until it is taken away.
The same goes for other people as well unfortunately. And there is no malice in this, it’s just scarcity breeds necessity or desire.
Do not post anything for them. Do it only for yourself. Ensure you are being true and honest with yourself. Be your own coach and your own best friend. Honor that distance and continue to do what’s healthy and what serves YOU.
The Mind of the Noncommittal Man
Rationale of Being Scarce: Men are simple and very present in their thoughts. What is not in sight or in abundance, all of a sudden brings a sense of urgency.
If they truly adore you and cannot live without you in their life. They will come back for you. They will try to re-engage with you in a meaningful way. Because they understand now that you two were creating a situationship that was a false reality, which only brings hurt and deep-rooted pain.
Men need time to process their thoughts and feelings in their own way. Give them the emotional distance too. Don’t tell them what you’re doing once you create that distance.
They need time in solitude and peace to truly see how much value you added into their life. If they don’t see your value, then you finally can make space for the man who will adore you. Don’t rob yourself of that love.
If they miss you to the extent of wanting you back but only in a full capacity, then you can reconsider how you feel about it…IF you event want to.
Only let the person back in if you’re ready to be open and take it slow. And if they’re ready to be patient as you slowly let go of the anger.
It will be your responsibility to forgive and let that anger go if you truly want something real to flourish. Time will heal it but it will take GREAT communication skills from both sides to recover from the situationship and forge a real lasting relationship out of it.
To heal from a situationship: Bring playfulness back by going on fun dates and take away alcohol so judgement is not impaired and nothing is done out of intention (baseball games, dance classes, art & crafts etc).
If he does not come to you, then you finally stopped wasting your time and just move on. There are plenty of possibilities and interesting individuals out there ready to meet you. You just have to put yourself in interest groups where you can find like-minded individuals. And take it slow and be more intentional next time.
